Paula Rauenbuehler

All three of these are in relation to each other. They work in unison towards the best possible outcome.

As this as a basis, let me introduce how emotional intelligence plays a role in the Know, Like and Trust connection.  Emotional Self Awareness and Self Expression play significant roles here.

EMOTIONAL SELF AWARENESS

People have access to hundreds of emotions yet typically tap into a small number. Love, Fear, Surprise, Happiness, Disgust, Anger, Sadness are the Big Seven.  Underneath these emotions are a myriad of nuances.  Are you sad or disappointed?  Are you angry or frustrated? Or perhaps envious?  What about jealousy? Are you joyful or happy? These are just a few of the emotions that lie beneath the surface of the Big Seven.

Emotions begin as a chemical reaction in your body.  The chemical surge of adrenaline or dopamine leads to a choice of which emotion to recognize.   It is your past experiences that help to guide your interpretation of this chemical reaction. Your experience and perception lead you to one feeling over another.

The best leaders take the time to dig a bit deeper when experiencing their emotions.  Exploring what is behind the surface helps to learn what is really going on.  This is as applicable to the emotions of Joy and Love as it is to Anger and Sadness.

Take Happiness.  What is behind this?  Are you joyful? Optimistic? Are you enthusiastic about the situation? There are many more emotions that can result in Happiness.  Knowing what is behind it helps you decide how you will express it.

Often in the workplace, leaders attempt to snuff out the more uncomfortable emotions while allowing the more comfortable emotions flourish. Unfortunately, snuffing out the less comfortable emotions does not remove them.

When you are in an emotional state try asking yourself this question:

How is this useful?

All emotions have a purpose. To expect that you will not experience disappointment when someone falls below expectation is not realistic. An emotionally self-aware person objectively explores why this emotion is here now and how is it of use.

Take Anger.  Are you exasperated? Irritable? Envious? Or maybe frustrated?  As with Happiness, what is behind this feeling that is showing up as anger?  What lead up to this? What might you do differently to prevent anger from showing up as the first sign something is amiss?  What if you caught it at irritable?

Once you have more clearly defined the emotional state, you have decisions to make. Do I communicate this? How do I communicate this?

Emotional self-expression is often where bad leaders get their reputation. 

He/She is too emotional. They fly off the handle. He/She yells at people.  He/She cries at the drop of a hat. 

Trust happens when people see true emotions of others. Liking happens when this emotion is expressed in a manner that is conducive to moving towards a solution.  If you do not express your frustration with a project’s delayed progress, the risk is that the others do not appreciate the sense of urgency.  How this expressed is critical to its effectiveness.

The best leaders have developed ways to move beyond the first sign of an emotion and dig a bit deeper asking themselves “What’s happening and how is this useful? From this knowledge, deciding where to go from there.

Emotions start as data and gain meaning as you assign it.  Taking the time to understand what you are feeling and why is the first step.  From there, being able to differentiate between emotions moves you closer to what is really going on.  And from there, you are better positioned to determine when and how to express it.

Emotional Intelligence is often seen primarily as showing empathy. Certainly, empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence. Yet it is much more than this limited view point.  Being aware of your emotions and expressing them productively in the workplace is important for leaders.  No emotion is better or worse. There are no good or bad emotions. They all serve a purpose.  It is up to you to determine the purpose of them and how you can use them to advance the mission of the organization.  And from here, exploring the how your emotions impact interpersonal relationships, decision making, and stress management create the opportunity to use emotional intelligence for the best possible outcome.